Self-Esteem Hacks (with reference to the Yoga Sutras)
To improve self esteem, learn the difference between:
1. Passion and anger
If someone accuses you of being angry, ask yourself. “Am I angry or could this person be getting the word anger confused with the word passion?” The world we live in is full of sensitivity at the moment. (Sutra 2.42)
2. Disregard and hatred
Hatred is an emotion that hurts the person with the emotion more than it hurts the one the hatred is felt toward. Disregard toward the wicked (Sutra 1.33) is a much healthier state of mind.
3. Love and obsession
When you think you love someone, do you allow that person to be an individua? Do you allow them to make mistakes and learn from them? Do you give them space and trust them? (Sutras 1.15-1.16)
Or, do you harp on their flaws in an effort to change them because you know and want what’s best for them (i.e. BULLSH*T)? Do you constantly step in to fight their battles? Are you always wanting to know where they are or what they are doing?
4. Help and Control
(Sutra 4.29) People need help. That’s obvious. But often when one thinks they are helping another, they are actually hindering the growth of the one they think they are helping by trying to control them. How many times have you tried to help someone with a statement like, “You should…,” and “You need to…?”
And remember, “If you can’t help them, don’t hurt them.”
5. Kindness and being a doormat
Someone who is abused can respond to the abuse with kindness until they are blue in the face (for some, literally and permanently) but it doesn’t change the fact that abuse is occurring. Be kind to the kind, but stand up against abuse (Sutras 2.22-2.27). On the subject of abuse…
6. Tolerance and abuse
Practice love and tolerance when applicable.
Call the police, file a report, have a confrontation, grab a witness, call a lawyer, file a restraining order, get on the dark web, do whatever is necessary when rainbow and butterflies and pixie dust don’t stop the abuser. (Spoiler alert – love and tolerance rarely stop the behaviors of abusers, narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, etc.) (Sutras 1.47-1.51)
7. Graciousness and martyrdom
Why do you give? Do you give for the sake of giving? Do you give without expectations of the recipient? Do you give without wanting recognition? (Sutra 1.15)
Or, do you give to make yourself feel better? Do you give expecting the recipient will respond with gratitude, joy, elation, and the like? Do you make sure you have an audience when you give? (See EGO Sutras 1.2, 2.3-2.6, 2.27)
Expecting any kind of response from a recipient of a gift is not altruistic. It is, in fact, self-centered and selfish. Give to give. Give without expectation. And give in secret.
8. Humility and self-centeredness
Humility: “a modest or low view of one's own importance”
Self-centered: “preoccupied with oneself and one's affairs”
Humility (Sutra 2.30) is realizing when one makes a mistake, taking responsibility for it, and working diligently to not let it happen again. Self-centeredness (Sutra 3.3) is making a mistake, overdramatizing one’s role in it, dwelling in self-pity and self-loathing, and bringing everyone around down because one cannot move past the mistake.
9. Self-preservation and Greed
Practicing Aparigraha (Sutra 2.39) means to apply the notion that it is not crucial for survival to over-consume, hoard, possess, and take, take, take. That is greed.
However, most humans live in a world in which money is necessary for survival. Most humans live in a world in which acquiring things (shelter, clothing, food) is necessary for survival.
It is not greedy to make money or want to make money. It is not greedy to acquire things, have hobbies, and overall enjoy life. It is not greedy to adequately nourish oneself when there are starving children in Africa. It is not greedy to treat oneself within one’s means, even though there’s a homeless person living down the street.
Can one not adequately nourish oneself AND avoid buying food from countries that keep food from the starving children in Africa? Can one not treat oneself within one’s means AND give that homeless person a twenty dollar bill and/or a bag of food whenever possible?
10. Surrendering and giving up
If you’re reading this, it means you don’t live under a rock, which also means you know by now that certain things are outside of your control. (If you have not learned that valuable life lesson yet, please come back to this section in a few years.) Certain situations must be let go in order to maintain sanity. Control must be surrendered. Practice Ishvarapranidhana (Sutra 2.45)
However, other situations will arise in life in which surrender is either not an option, or the wrong choice. One must not give up. One foot goes in front of the other. One situation at a time is handled. Practice Tapas (Sutra 2.43)